Clean.

Sometimes this happens to you:  Stepping onto the station, a chill goes down your spine.  The squeeze bottle sits in a puddle of oil.  There are bits of chervil and chives everywhere.  Chicken stock is puddled all over the place, and the salt...oh the salt.  There is fucking salt everywhere.  And it's clumped up from having wet fingers in it.  You reach for chard, and realize that all of the greens have become mixed throughout  the night.  It's a complete mess, and it hasn't even been that busy.

I'm a notorious clean freak when it comes to my (and others) stations.  Early on in my career, as I prepped a vinaigrette, the sous chef came pulled me away from my cutting board and said "You need to work cleaner." 

Huh?

I thought I was working clean.  I protested for a moment.  The sous ran his hand over my cutting board, and showed me his palm.  It was filthy.  He picked up my knife and wiped it off--leaving bits of herbs and shallot on his towel.  He organized my mise into a neat row, glared hard at me, and walked away.

Working clean makes you a better cook.  It increases your focus.  Your plating is cleaner.  Your mise is always in order.  And it's so easy.  Have you tried it?  A commitment to take that extra second to wipe down after you do something?  Keeping your squeeze bottles dry?  Changing out the baine water your spoons sit in?  Washing down whenever things get too dirty to wipe up with a towel?

Hopefully you have a chef that insists on this level of cleanliness. 

It's so easy--and important.  Your fellow cooks will respect you more.  Your chef will respect you more.  It will become something of an obsession (if you're like me) and the first time someone looks at your station and says "Wow." it will make you feel very good.  As it becomes a part of your daily standards, you will start to transform into a better, sharper cook.  There is no other way.


notes:

• future podcasters - Violet Blue, Wolfgang Weber, Kevin Kelley, Francis Lam, Micheal Black
  

• hanging out at sebo on a rainy day ain't half bad
• some gibraltars are just better than others
• my sneaker addiction is screaming at me
• im probably not getting that $4000 ring at stuart moore
• violet's video of kozy is here
• sometimes when i go through my old records I can't help but wonder "what was i thinking?"
• corey won't wait for totopo's
• cold weather makes my hands creaky
• oh, the irony of comcast not shooting their commercials in HD

quotes and conversations:

"Hey puto.  Know what you should do on Monday?  Buy a foam finger."
-Corey.  Wants Al to have fun at the ballgame.

Corey:  You want a fanny pack for what?
Goose:  To stuff treats in.

Me:  I wish I hadn't gotten this vagina botox.
Merrell:  (laughing)  Vagina botox?  Write that down.

"In Mexico City, i'm known as puerco chupacabra."
-Corey

"Graceful like a motherfuckin' sea cow."
-Ponder.  Never took ballet

Me:  Corey, I was just talking to Brooke about your sex chicken.
Corey:  Hey dude, leave sex chicken alone.

Me:  Why are her teeth blue dude?
Jamie:  Cuz' she's from Atlanta dude.



from top:  want, michael black, tentacles, octopus, more octopus, by eddie, star wars, iced coffee and amy, green almond, goose on allergy meds, goose's slam, paulie's slam, shiny, violet, speez, kozy

Decisions.

"You need to decide if you're going to be a cook, or if you're going to be a chef." -Kelly Degala, my former chef.

What is it that your chef sees when he looks at you?  Does he see a chef?  Does he see a cook?  Does he see an invaluable member of his team?  Does he see a complete shithead?  Is he counting on you jumping ship so he can hire back the sautee guy that's been in Mexico?  Is he counting on you becoming his chef de cuisine in 6 months?  Or does he just see a body that fills a station?

One thing that's for sure is that your chef does not see your hopes and aspirations.  He does not see your dreams and goals.  And he doesn't have to.  All the shit going on with him, how could he?  He has people to answer to, and a family, and and endless list of people to call back.  He's got his food cost on the brain, and a stack of special events to sort through, and did the schedule get finished yet?  So how do you fit into this list of priorities?

Like I said before;  you don't.  It's not that he doesn't care--he might if he had the time.  But the way things are going, it's on you to make things happen for yourself.  You need to know what you're working towards.  There has to be a goal, and an unwavering focus on that goal.  You have to believe in your cooking.  You need something worth fighting for.  And when I say fighting, I mean fists and elbows.

You need to be a true believer.  Have you ever been blinded by passion?  A girl or guy that made you so completely fucked up that your friends just couldn't understand?  This is the way you need to feel about your cooking.  Your craft should be sacred to you.  Let's face it, you don't have time to go to church...so if cooking is where you find "God", that's probably not a bad thing.  If you're not willing to make sacrifices on the way up, you might be doing it the wrong way.

Bukowski said this about writing.  You should feel the same way about the kitchen.

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

— Bukowski

notes:

• i don't want for money or fame.  i just want more time.
• coi on the 28th.  hell yes.
• new features are coming to this blog - a "next chefs" q&a, and the podcast, which Corey(!) and I recorded yesterday. 
  
• two blog posts in one day? 
  
• I love Ponder.  Paul is a bitch.
• Boys night in the kitchen is just as awesome and vulgar as it sounds.
• One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like the food isn't coming out fast enough.  I felt it a lot this week.
• He's neither a fresh water nor a salt water fish.  He's a ponder fish.
• Some people have grace...and some really don't.
• After almost buying a second Blue Bottle hoodie, I settled on one from Park Life.
  
• Corey, do whatever it takes to get that TV.
• My wife might make the best BLT's ever.
• Violet Blue is far more talented at all this tech stuff than I am.  That she helps me is pretty fucking awesome.
• I said it last week, but Nopalito will blow your head off.  It's that good.
• I think my rabbit is diabetic.
• If you come into Nopa, don't be afraid to say hi or give a wave.
• 400+ followers?  Word?
  

quotes and conversations.

"Hey Merrell, have I ever told you that your ankles smell like Milk Duds?  And that Milk Duds are my favorite candy?  I ate them at the movies last night.  I like to pour them on top of my popcorn."
-Corey.  Not sure what to say about this one.

"Ann, six months from now you're gonna think 'shoulda busted a move.'"
-Maritess.  Gives good advice.

"A six pack of Pliny, and she has to make me a BLT afterward."
-Ponder.  Ladies, this is what gets him in the mood.

"If i'm still rocking that same look when i'm 50, just give me the Coming to America haircut."
-Paul.  Ponytail rocker.

Me:  If there was one person I could punch in the face, it would be Rod Stewart.
Corey:  What's wrong with Rod Stewart?


Me:  Corey, I have a coupon for a free Grand Slam breakfast for seniors.  I can't use it, do you want it?
Corey:  How about a foot in the ass?  You don't need a coupon for that shit, i'm giving it out for free.


Me:  Are Bolivian's fat?
Alejandro:  Very.  They barely fit on their goats.


Goose:  You don't want her in a Chinese shop.
Me:  A China shop.
Goose:  Oh.


Me:  Paulie, I need lil' gems.
Paul:  I got your lil' gems right here.
Me:  That's what i've heard.


Me:  Hey dude, another person google searched Ronald McDonald blowjob and landed on my blog.
Corey:  You're welcome.


below:maritess and eddie, bloody floor, caamal hearts, merrell and a quart of cola, gluten allergy flatbread, awesome cake!, ernster's nopalito drawing, foil burger, new knives, station, fire!, edward and ponder, v-day blue bottle, j-lo

pastry days.

It's 6:30am, and im standing in a cold, tiny kitchen. The hoods are off and the stoves are empty. The only sound I can hear is the hum of the refrigeration. I'm all alone, and this is a problem. You see, a week earlier, after a night of getting thrashed on sautee, I overheard my chef telling the sous that he needed a pastry production cook. My standing with my chef wasn't exactly good at this time; the previous night I asked the sous why I hadn't been fired yet, and his response was something like, "Well, it's hard to fire a guy that shows up on time and tries hard." It's not like my pastry skill set was strong or anything--but I needed a way to get off his radar while contributing to the restaurant. So I volunteered for the job. It meant early mornings, all alone, prepping desserts. How hard could it be?

Well, like I said, I was alone. The sous chef that was in charge of the pastry menu was supposed to be training me, but he was late.
I looked over our prep list: pate a choux, pastry cream, bread pudding, chocolate sauce, caramel, whipped cream, souffle batter, 3 cookie doughs, creme brulee, and cobbler or crisp. While I waited for my trainer to arrive I tried to situate myself. The pastry station was in the middle of the tiny kitchen, next to the dishwasher and ice machine. At best this space was an afterthought; to prep and run a service out of it seemed impossible. I pulled the recipe book and got to work. Cracking eggs, melting chocolate, cutting fruit, burning caramel sauce then starting it all over again...things were not going well. I started to notice I had a woeful problem with using a tablespoon when it supposed to have been a teaspoon, or baking powder when the recipe called for baking soda. By the time my trainer showed up I was no longer in the weeds--I was lost, deep in the woods. The lunch crew was trying to shoo me off the line so they could start service, and my jacket had so much chocolate on it that you would think I was wearing a smok. I rushed while tempering my creme anglaise and it turned to scrambled eggs, right there before my eyes. It seemed like I was adding more items to my prep list than crossing off. My time management, to put it mildly, was very poor.

Eventually I started to settle into a routine. It helped not really knowing anyone that worked in the morning, as there were no distractions. I would go in and bang out the biggest projects first; bread pudding soaking while chocolate is melting, crack eggs for bread pudding and souffle at the same time, caramel cooking while stirring pate a choux. The other pastry cook had earned the nickname "Salty" after he mistook salt for sugar and ruined an entire batch of Scharffenberger souffle batter....so next to him I was starting to look good to my chef. My confidence rose a little bit, and when chef fired the grill cook mid-shift, he barked at me to take his place on the line. Three weeks later, I was back on sautee, only helping pastry one morning a week.

Pastry is one aspect of cooking that most hot line cooks will tell you strikes fear deep in their hearts. It's precise and difficult and completely unforgiving. It means early mornings, little to no help on prep, and a constant fight for space on the stoves. It also means a strong lesson in efficency, humility, and cooking delicately. After working pastry your approach to everything from mise to plating changes. Your palate adjusts to appreciate not just taste, but texture. And in the end you are a stronger, more competant and confident cook...as long as you've been minding the salt.


if you were an exotic fruit, what kind of exotic fruit would you be?

paul - passion fruit. obviously
ponder - mango. ripe.
al - dragon fruit.
nick - durian.
me - star fruit.

quotes.

• "So, no balls?" -Eddie, wondering if we needed an order of salt cod fritters.
• "My cat took a dump on my clothes last night." -Corey
• "New record last night, 4 covers! Pretty fucking pathetic" -text, from Joey.
• "The only way i'm doing it is if I go on national tv and Ronald McDonald gives me a blowjob." -Corey, on what it would take for him to sell out to McDonalds.
• "And he should be wearing a shirt that says 'im lovin' it.'" -Corey
• "Sometimes I stand in my doorway naked wearing an easter bunny mask." -more Corey
• "If I ever get in a room with Tyra Banks, I will kill that bitch." -even more Corey
• "It'd be fun to slap Tina Turner." -Nick, when asked if he would rather be on a pairs ice skating team with Bjork or Tina Turner
• "If he were younger and single, he's the kind of guy I might go out with." -Kim Keme, who disputes Corey's low standing with the ladies.
  

notes:

• Thank you to the buzz blogger team for giving me blog of note this week. That shit was bananas...visitors from all over the world, in very large numbers. (6000 hits in two days!!) To everyone that commented and started following this blog (up from 32 to over 160 now...) thank you very much. Sometimes i'm still baffled that folks read this at all.
• I also got linked on Michael Laiskonis's blog--the pastry chef from Le Bernadin. He's a chef I really admire, so this was pretty damn exciting. He's also an exceptional writer.
  
• My head was in 7x7 magazine. Seriously, just my head.
  
• Blue Bottle coffee + bacon + glazed pork belly + donuts = chest pain.
• The more I talk to Justin Simoneaux, the more I think he's a cool ass mother fucker. The same goes for Brett at Coi, and Luis from Orson.
• This photostream has a really funny picture of Thomas Keller and Corey Lee playing on their iphones.
• The Dark Knight on blu-ray was awesome.
• Pork Belly "porchetta" at coco500. One of the best pork dishes i've tasted in a long time.
• I wore my new jeans once, then my rabbit chewed a hole in them.

from top: cara-cara's, hey hey hey!, mongoose, the view from here, black cod, citrus party, amy, donuts, pork belly, risotto, blogs of note, a gift from Tiffany (top chef season 1) and the hail storm.

Countdown.

We're sitting there after a really hard night, having a cold beer and passing a bottle of whiskey around. Everyone is quiet. There's so much to say--but no one knows how to say it. Then this happens.

"Does it make you guys mad?"
"What? Tonight?"
"Yeah, tonight. But more than that--does it make you guys mad that we only get a finite number of services?"
"Before what? Before we get fired?"
"No. A finite number of services to get it right. To get as close to perfection as we can. And we just threw one away."
"We didn't throw anything away. It was just a bad night."
"Bullshit. Think about it. You get about two hundred some-odd services a year. That's barely more than a season of baseball. Whats worse is that we just threw away another night as a group. We've got something special here, and one day this group is going to part ways...and tonight was a waste."

It sounds dramatic--only getting a certain number of chances to "get it right." But did you ever think about it? There are so many variables in this industry that would seemingly make every service more important than the last: success is fleeting, and a good group of cooks never sticks together for too long. Anyone that's ever cooked as a part of a closely knit brigade knows this. If you remove a part of the puzzle, does it still work? How hard is it to intergrate a new member into the crew? And at what point is getting by not good enough anymore?

Every service needs to be building towards something bigger--a bigger contribution not just to the people we serve but to our craft itself. It's not good enough to just draw from the well of culinary history--we need to be adding to it also. I'm not saying we need to go out and invent an entirely new way to make stock or cook protein--we just need to collectively maintain the traditions passed on to us, and try every day to improve on them. Even if that happens one very small step at a time.

So the next time you're in the kitchen, think about it. Every day is one less chance at perfection, one less service with your friends. Think about the combined knowledge and experiences of you and all the people around you--what can you do with that? How are you going to make your contribution to our be craft--be it something small or the next big thing. Whatever it may be, you need to hurry up. The clock is ticking.



every kitchen has a term for that cute girl (or guy) in the dining room. whats yours?

• fire tortas
• side of tomatoes
• table 9
• papas
• fire milkcrate
• guava!

links:
bauer comments on prop 2.
curtis duffy blogs.
ruhlman breaks down pollans essay.
bourdain runs his mouth off with buford and ted allen.

corey has some interesting ideas about duck fat and sustainability. ask him about it next time you see him.

amy's honey hands.









CTC lunch fun.

30 day pancetta.

wish you were here