COI

On Saturday, February 28th, the wife and I went to Coi for her birthday dinner.  I'm not going to write too much about it, but I do want to say this;  upon reflection this week, i've decided that this was the meal of my life--it topped Laundry fairly easily.  The mix of pristine ingredients, mind blowing technique, and precise attention to detail came together in a way that made my head spin.  18 courses, perfect wine and beer pairings, and some special attention from Chef Daniel Patterson created some great memories for us.  You must eat here.

Happy Birthday Sky

There was no "best dish"--they were all amazing.  Carlos Salgado's desserts were also inspiring and delicious.  Thanks also to Brett Cooper, sous chef, and the rest of the Coi team.  I'll be back.

Podcast #3 - Notes

Podcast #3 is here...we talk about nothing, and everything.  If you can count how many times we say podcast, or how many metaphors we use, i'll buy you a coke.

2 minutes please.

Hey dude, we gotta talk. You're not going to like what i'm about to say, but at a certain point a person decides to move beyond the bullshit, and today i'm that person. Do you want a glass of water? Let me get you a glass of water. OK, here we go.

I want you to look at everyone around you. You're surrounded by smart, talented, motivated people. At times, you are one of these people. At at other times you get so consumed by your own fears and insecurities that it seems like the entire kitchen is passing you by. The difference between them and you is that they have goals. Obligations. A compelling feeling that they need to do something--something important...if only to themselves. Your days seem like they're devoted to maintaining the status quo. Granted, maintaining the status quo can be difficult at times, but what would be really nice is to see you push. I want to see you put yourself out there, and take risks, and be able to fully absorb the heartbreak of failure. Your fear of failure is what's holding you back. Your embrace of complacency is the very reason you're not moving up.

And the negativity. Oh, the motherfucking negativity. You see, if you came to me with ideas and solutions about how to fix things, we might start to move forward. Instead, you come to me and you bitch, and whine, and complain. If I didn't know better I would think that you were perfect--otherwise how could a person criticize others so passionately? You start shit with others, and come across with a harshness usually reserved for 3 Michelin star chefs. You, my friend are no 3 Michelin star chef. You need to learn how to communicate with others. This shit is simple; show respect, get respect, say please all the time, and if your co-workers are really letting you down, tell me and I will get your back.

I tell you all this because I want you to succeed. I want you to be good. No, I want you to be phenomenal. You have these little flurries of brilliance, and when those happen, it's almost hard to look you in the eyes--it's like staring into the sun. There is nothing sadder in life than wasted potential...unless you're talking about misdirected potential. Craigslist could fill a million terabytes with all your "missed connections" with greatness.

So starting now, everything is different. I still like you, but in this kitchen we are committed to progress. Get on board, or fuck off.



notes:

• joellen from blue bottle makes the best fucking coffee ever
• wow, I feel much better now
  
• speaking of which, caleb (jr) at nopa makes espresso that tastes like dark chocolate
• consider this next time you leave a shitty tip
• if you want your head to hurt, try to imagine how the hell the pixies made surfer rosa and doolittle in the 1988 and 1989. (granted, daydream nation, straight outta compton, it takes a nation of millions, and and justice for all came out then too)
  
• white asparagus from dirty girl this year?
• pick your three favorite people in san francisco, and tell them you love them
• if we can smell your perfume in our kitchen, you might be wearing too much
• you should really see our new dance move. everyone puts their own little touch on it
• wondercon and coi this weekend!
• amy, corey and I want to do a mission street food night
  
• my wife is snoring away next to me on the couch. she is the fucking sweetest thing i've ever seen.
  

quotes and conversations:

Al: She has problems with her legs.
Kim: Oh, now I feel bad!
Al: Yeah, you should. Yeah.


Maritess: Hey Richie, can we send Paulie an extra sopapilla?
Me: No.


"I look like Kermit and Beaker's love child."
-Amy. Done with the funny pictures.


Me: Al should run for mayor.
Chef: Of Tijuana.


"A nice hairless chest with my underarmor shorts on and Chinese flip-flops."
-Goose. Lounges in style.


"Sassy. Hey Sassy. Smile Sassy. Dance Sassy."
-Kamaal, who would be right at home directing models at a fashion shoot.


"People want to hear about the poor kid from Puerto Rico that came to America and became a chef."
-Corey, who should write Al's biography.


"Fire torta's! Oh, that's a man."
-Merrell


"I like the Pixies. All girls, right? Oh, that's the Dixie Chicks."
-Goose. Loves the rock n roll.


"No dude, i'll punch her in the throat. You want it rough? Go sleep outside!"
-Corey. Into the rough stuff.


"It's a space pen. Nitrogen filled. You can write upside down in zero gravity."
-Eddie. Has a fancy pen.


"If I haven't had my eggs, it's too early for prostitution."
-Corey.


"If I had pepperoni nipples it would be one thing."
-Ponder. Tiny nipples.


Me: When you do the Jedi mind trick, you're supposed to do this. (waves hand)
Chef: I did!


"You look like Jesus Christo when he was carrying his cross."
-Al, who likes the way I carry the ladder.


Me: Necessito ayuda.
Christian: Yo tambien!


"They fuck guys like you in prison Paulie."
-Ponder. Ex con.


Nopalito Kelly: How's things here?
Me: Things are good. You know, i'm on the mother ship.
Nopalito Kelly: Where ya headed?
Me: No, here. This is the mother ship.


Me: Have you ever heard of a blood clam Paulie?
Kitty: It sounds like a dirty sanchez.
Matty: I've had a couple of bloody clams. I didn't mind.


from top: coco, i love torta's, lamb, amy's last pic, short rib, puto, nopalito, bacon!, fernet, lights.

Skipping Culinary School. A Guide.

podcast #2 is up.

So you like to cook.  You harbor dreams of owning your own restaurant some day.  Something small, rustic, neighborhoody.  Your friends tell you how great your food is.  Their compliments are nice, but in the back of your mind is the nagging voice that keeps on telling you that tough times lie ahead.  You've got a lot to learn...and almost zero money for school.  Well friend, help is here.  This is your skipping culinary school guide.

The first thing you need to do is mentally prepare yourself for whats to come.  Things are going to be hard.  You're going to push your mental and physical limits, usually far past your breaking point.  You will have almost no cash; so whether this endeavor means saving your pennies, or getting some financial help from family, just know that whatever you spend will be far less than what going to school will cost you. 
Mainly though, you need to submit to many things at once;  those that will teach you, your desire to have some me time, and the urge to talk back when you don't like the way things are going for you.

For me, culinary school was all about learning the vocabulary of the kitchen.  It was about having a knife in your hand every day.  It had nothing to do with becoming a chef, or making up recipes, or discovering your own personal style.  Mimicking this is fairly simple:

1. Buy either the Cordon Bleu or CIA textbook.  Read THE WHOLE THING.  As you go through the book, practice the cuts, recipes, and techniques.  Buy bags of potatoes and carrots and onions and dice and julienne and brunoise.  When you've completed your reading and are starting to feel comfortable with the knife, you'e ready for the next step.
2. Gather your tools.  You need an 8" chefs knife.  Stick with Wusthof.  You'll also need a bread knife, a paring knife, a peeler, and a microplane.  Pick up Becoming a Chef by Andrew Doreneburg and Karen Page.  It's a little dated, but the overall idea of the book is good.
3. Pick a restaurant you like, and go to the back door.  Ask the chef if he/she will let you hang out for a night.  Let them know that you will do anything:  peel garlic, wash lettuce, sweep the floors.  If they let you hang out, and you like it, make it your sole purpose in life to become a stagiere in that restaurant.  Offer to work for free.
4. Once your stage has started, don't give in to your urge to just work the 8 hours then go home.  You need to put in extra work.  Stay during service.  Watch the cooks on the line.  Offer to help anywhere you can.  Around this time you need to pick up On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee.  This book is not for reading cover to cover, but more as a reference.  If you're making vinaigrettes, read his chapter on emulsions.  If you're making stock, read his chapter on gelatin.  There is a section in that book that corresponds to every facet of the kitchen.  Your understanding of the science in cooking is important.  It's not magic.
5. If you've put in a couple of months, sit down with the chef and ask them for a review.  What do you do well?  Where are you weak?  When does the chef think you'll be ready to give the line a shot?  Don't let yourself get stuck in one place.  Chances are that if you're doing a good job, they'll want to hire you on anyways.
6. Read The Making of a Chef and the Soul of a Chef.  Kitchen Confidential is great and all, but it is not required reading.
7. Take everything that you've learned at work and start cooking at home.  Go to markets.  Cook for your friends and family.  Read local restaurant reviews.  Don't be tempted to watch Food Network--by this point it's time to cut that tether.
8. Self evaluate yourself every day.  Go back and re-visit all the books you read in the beginning.  If you're not astonished by your progress, you need to get back to basics.  Learn every day, and never settle.  Don't get caught up in the lifestyle of a cook...learning is your only purpose now.
9. Around the 6 month mark, branch out on your days off and stage in other kitchens.  If you or your family had money saved for school, take that money and save it for a trip to New York, or San Francisco, or France, or Spain.  This will not be a vacation--it's strictly business.  Arrange a stage, or a series of stages.  Again, don't get caught up.  This is not a vacation.

Coming up as a cook is hard, but if you can dedicate yourself and focus, the way up will be rewarding.  You'll look back on these early days with a smile.  Just realize that the learning never stops.  Things never really get easy.  There are always more books to read, new techniques to absorb, new flavors to taste.  With this guide though, you have a 12 month jump on the kids in school.



notes:

• go here and subscribe to our podcast.  face it, it beats listening to Rhianna.
• first Joey Santiago from the Pixies replied to my tweet, and now he's following me.  the word i'm looking for is motherfuckingawesome.
• expoing with a sore neck sucks.
• the cookies luis brought.  perfect.
• sometimes checking the eggs for the pasta dough recipe is like looking into a crystal ball.
• the lover's delight from plunder.  worth $1000?
• that guy at work that you don't like?  it would really give him a shine to see you fail.
• i didn't forget the coconut breadcrumbs, I swear.
• dear people in SF:  please stop standing in the street when you're waiting for MUNI. 
• when a guy gets up to go to the bathroom, his date will always check her cell.  it's like a rule or something.
• if you're wearing sunglasses at night, you're probably a dbag.  unless you're mc peepants.
• heads up:  i put salt on the fries so you don't have to.
• my iphone cover is made of rubber.  and it costs thirty dollars.

quotes and conversations

"He's all cookin' like Gilbert Grape and shit!"
-Mongoose. 

"I'm gonna sell this motherfucker, and put a fried chicken salad on the menu."
-Chef, who might someday turn Nopa into a Cheesecake Factory

"I would not want to bone down with seat 2.  He would probably want to put it in my butt."
-Merrell.

Goose:  Yim Yam's in the house!
Me:  It's like The Shining Goose.  Yim Yam never left.

"For a moment, I thought Corey was playing Pussycat Dolls."
-Sophia

Goose:  This bitch thinks she knows everything, and she doesn't.
Merrell:  Are you talking about me?

"Hey dude, if I go into Home Depot without a list i'm in trouble.  I'll come out of there with a nailgun and a cashier."
-Corey.

"Smokin' blunts with French people is just as cool as it sounds."
-Ponder.

"I'm gonna run a bath and do like the yellow pages.  Let my fingers do the walking.
-Corey.

"I don't respond to shithead anymore."
-Corey.

Me:  Edward!  How was the weekend?
Eddie:  It was alright.  A little weird.
Me:  How so?
Eddie:  My girlfriend's mom gave me a massage.





from top:  bourbon at noon, gibraltar, tecate, nopalito salsa's, flowers from Violet, a case of Asahi, prep list, iced tea, ponder, editing the podcast, corvina, fettuccini, chips, no hands Amy, eating, plate lunch family meal, no!, may I please have an espresso this big?, your station should be this clean, foil chicken, anti cca sticker